User blog:Joeaikman/Joe's Rap Battles of Fiction Season 4 Episode 7 - Deathstroke vs Deadpool
Hey dudes and dudettes! I am back, as many of you know, from my global block for insulting Johan Liebert, so I can officially confirm that he will never be used in one of these battles, partly because of my grudge against him, and partly because who the fuck even is he. Anyways, back to this masterpiece of shittiness. So, in this battle we have DC’s mercurial assassin and mercenary, Deathstroke, go up against Marvel’s very own Merc with a Mouth, Deadpool, I hope- Erm, hey there guy. Did you just say my name? Shit, dude, did you not get the motherfucking memo? Ever since I was in that ERB battling Buttmuncher Fett I have been used in almost every fucking series on this fucking weeb site. TK and Alan can blow me for the amount of work I did for them. Well, that is not going to be happening anymore, motherfucker. From now on, you people have to start paying me to be in your nerdy ass battles. Now, I’m gonna go and make Francis eat chimichangas made out of his own ass. Ciao! Erm Deadpool dials a number on his phone, having to backspace a few times due to the problems caused by dialling in spandex. '' Dopinder, where the fuck is the taxi? I said to come in when I said the ass chimichanga line. ''Deapool turns to the camera. Can you fucking believe this? Do you want me to call you a cab? Nah, it’s cool, dickface. Dop is a dope dude. Get it. Because his name- ''Dopinder’s taxi pulls up. '' Sorry Mr Pool. I was watching Bandhu steal the heart of my beloved. Oh boy. More Dop drama. You’d think this film wasn’t called fucking Deadpool. ''Deadpool climbs into the car through the window and Dopinder drives off. '' Well shit. He’s gone. Erm. Dude. I wrote a whole bunch of lines for this battle. I even got my kids to think of some of them, and, well, you know... Yeah, that must have been hard. They hate your guts. Don’t worry. I have a backup on call for precisely this scenario. Do you always have this? No... Weird. Almost like this encounter has been scripted or something. ''Joe puts the phone to his ear. '' Hey, it’s me. Yes, I know I said you couldn’t appear in a battle, but something came up. You’re up for it? Cool. Let me put you on speaker. ''Joe presses a button. '' Oh boy. I pity whatever fool you got battling me. Battle JOE’S RAP BATTLES OF FICTION!!!! Deathstroke! VS B. A. BARACUSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Begin! Baracus Who this fool steppin’ up with the black tinted eyelids? Gettin’ all gay with Ollie Queen on their Lost Boys island! He should back off Baracus or be battered back to back! ‘Cause I bough’ off his backers and am here to attack! This sadist that Slade is, a basic example of an enemy! But when Bad Attitude pulls up then expect a calamity Take this T and add what you need before serving me, If this punk needs defending he should find a Mercenary! You a fool, boy, or did you not see all this coming? Your whole fuckin’ story ‘cause of the loss of a woman! And the stabbing of your son! Man, that wasn’t ideal! But with a more stable protagonist it might help them to feel! Emotional development is cool, you see it in all the bes’ villains! ‘Cept maybe for those who are thrilled and chill with just killin’! I’ve been hired for a job, me and the boys at my back! Better run off like your daughter when she learned you a hack! Deathstroke Who should I kill? The shill black with a back packet of an Arsenal? You can fire all the shots you want at me, none of them’ll be harmful! I can kill Uncle Sam and Phantoms, and it’s always just business! I end the life force of my targets with just the swift push of a digit! I’m fighting titans, mutant monsters and heroes out of your league! Won’t need to be on my A Game to solo take out the A-Team! Face up to the truth, you’d have to be Howling Mad to step to me! You’re next in my death pool, I pity you as the fool, Mr T! Baracus Great fourth wall break! You back up to all your old tricks? Or stealing from more popular characters who run the same schtick! We get the edge off you like a katana met up with your crew! Trying to put off death, when death was likely put off by you! You can throw shit at the team for me jus’ tryin’ to be me! When I watch you I see you got toned down to make you PG! Slade, you a fool if you think in hand to hand you won’t choke! Your wife’s death left you with no other choice but the death stroke! Deathstroke Calm down, Mario, this is no excuse for a rage out to stun at me! You take any excuse to strip off your sweater and 40s dungarees! This is just you and me! When you’re dead, then your team can hate me, Because I’m about to kick your mohawked ass right back to the eighties! I’m a badass assassin blastin’ kick ass baddies and heroes into line, Fighting crime and crime fighters for whatever it costs to buy my time! I am the epitome of a killer, your team is the paradigm of benign! With the ease it took me to leave you bloody I would only charge a dime! Your group could catch a bam to the van, and a wham to their fams, Just for pretending that you know at all what it was like out in ‘Nam! When I fire onomatopoeia these hits can’t miss the targets I’ve acquired! You’re always in my way, Scooter, so prepare to be trialed by fire! You better stay silent or my titans will send you off to the asylum! The guys there are no joke, they would show you how to be violent! When you hit the four seasons your ratings dropped, I should mention, Because your stories lacked dark characters, except for your complexion! Baracus I’m not getting on that verse, fool! You think that’s how you’re gonna win? You too blind to see my victory so instead you concentrate on my skin? How did I meet you up with the image I had before? That’s simple, Wilson, I know you’re an overgrown psycho who has a fetish for wanting to kill sons! Deathstroke Clunky action scenes and scriptwriting leave your serial a joke! With the amount of killing I do for cash, I am a serial on my own! Take your Shaka Zulu ass and crash your van when you try! Your rhymes stay grounded, because you’re too scared to be fly! Who won? B. A. Baracus Deathstroke Category:Blog posts